Sunday, November 25, 2012

So Good In Bed I Killed A Man

For the last month I've been secretly dating my co-worker. And not just any co-worker-- he's essentially my cube mate. I'm within a 6 foot or less radius of Brad up to 60 hours a week. And if we're not within touching distance all I would have to do is raise my voice for him to hear me.

I know, I know, don't shit where you eat. But when have I ever been one to listen to practical advice? That's right, never.

Because of the dynamics at work it's best to keep our relationship a secret. And mainly because I don't like people gossiping about me.

Mostly, we had been doing a really good job. One other good friend at work knows what is going on but it's been a hilarious few weeks of spending the night together and then being at work pretending like we have no idea what the other one did last night.

Until this morning...

Let me preface this story with the fact that we live in a very small town. Gossip is everywhere. People listen to police scanner for fun at night while drinking moonshine. I'm not kidding this town loves a good story.

So, Brad comes over after work last night, we watch Superbad and we go to sleep. Totally normal right?

Until this morning...

My best friend at work, Cassie, starts blowing up my phone. She had gone in early when the phone started ringing off the hook.  Be aware that Cassie has no idea that Brad and I are together.

Evidently last night in our small town there had been a car wreck and a guy named Brad died. Well, some EMT told someone's mom who told their son who called my Brad's mom and told her that Brad had died (most ridiculous run-on
sentence of the day!).

My Brad had not died. He was in bed with me with his phone on silent.

After the third phone call from Cassie I pick up the phone:

Me "Cassie, I'm sleeping. What do you want?"
Cassie "Have you talked to Brad?"
**I roll over, look at Brad and start lying immediately**
Me "No, why?"
Cassie "There was a car accident last night and Brad's mom called up here crying. No one can reach him. They think he's dead."
Me "Fuck, he's here. I'll wake him up and have him call his mom."

And now my very secret affair with my co-worker is now today's hottest gossip.


"Did you hear that everyone had thought Brad died? Do you hear where he really was?"
-New All Time Low is trying to keep it on the down low.